


Knowing

by kansey



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Mention of Death, Other, bluesey kinda, i'm so sorry for this little drabble, mention of dying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-18
Updated: 2016-03-18
Packaged: 2018-05-27 09:20:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6278755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kansey/pseuds/kansey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone knows they are going to die.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Knowing

**Author's Note:**

> So I haven't published any writing on the internet since like 2012, but I got in my feelings about Gansey knowing he is gonna die and this was born??? So here are my feelings in a drabble.

Everyone knows they are going to die. I mean unless you are a god or Betty White, but even the greatest still carry the fear of eternity in a small corner of their brains. But knowing, really _knowing_ you are going to die in the next few months, weeks, days, seconds….That is something Gansey never thought he would experience.

Knowing or not, Richard Campbell Gansey III will not give up, on his friends or himself. If he has learned one thing from knowing he would no longer be alive sooner rather than later it was that giving up is the worst thing one can do.

Not giving up is what keeps Gansey going in his last days. He will help Blue. Ronan will be safe. Adam will have a future. Noah will stop decaying….and Gansey will start.

For a privileged politician’s son, Gansey was not very materialistic and he prided himself on that. He loved The Pig, he would sulk for months if anything happened to his journal, Monmouth was the home he could never lose, and he was quite fond of his boat shoes, but these things were nothing compared to the emotional rewards that come with being human, being alive. Feelings are everything.

Feeling relief when Adam steps into Monmouth without a bruise. Feeling pride when Ronan works harder in school. Feeling lonely when he is without his friends. Feeling excitement when Blue’s hand brushes his skin. Feeling awe when Ronan dreams something beautiful. Feeling frustrated when Noah disappears. Feeling trust when Adam assures him of their quest. Feeling guilt when sleeps and his roommates do not. Feeling joy when Noah sings in The Pig.

Feeling love. Feeling pain. Feeling confidence. Feeling panic. Feeling passion.

Feeling his heart grow ten sizes too big when his friends smile.

A dead man’s chest cannot swell.

Gansey finds himself full of greed and longing for emotions.

Does a place with no emotion exist? Or is death just as cold and bare as a beat-less heart.

Late at night when he has wrote in his journal, talked to Blue, and added to small Henrietta, but still cannot catch sleep, Gansey likes to think of dying as an adventure. He has a goal, he wants to reach it and if that means dying, so be it. A warrior going into battle to save the land they loves from demise, knowing it would be their last stance. A diver finally locating the deep home of the treasure they have searched the world for, but not having enough oxygen to make it out the sea themselves. A young boy who has spent his whole life waiting for a sleeping king who whispered to him on the day he _should_ have died, finding him and saving everyone he cares about.

But, deep down Gansey knows (there it is again…the knowing) that could very well not be him. His death may not be an adventure, or noble, or successful in any way. He could be stung by a bee tomorrow and leave the people he cares about in this horrendous mess that he created. Most likely, in the end, Gansey will never be anything but a newspaper story, an empty seat at graduation, a tear on a cheek, a memory, a name, a lost dream. He will be a boy who conquered death once and was not able to show any reasons why it happened, because he failed.

And maybe that is the worst thing about knowing.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!


End file.
